Untitled
by IlovemyDeanBean
Summary: a collection of Jinter short stories, written to songs by Better Than Ezra
1. -In the Blood-

Title: Untitled  
category: JC/JMC  
summary: Short stories to Better Than Ezra's varied songs.  
-In the Blood-  
  
How can you be so warm?  
How can you know what I feel?  
Well, it's the way you move your hands,  
and it's the way you understand.  
************************  
  
  
  
  
  
It was a shadow in the doorway that caught my attenion. As popular as I liked to think I was,  
no one really came.  
  
I was alone.  
  
Alone, with the continous thought that I had almost died. I had almost died, and I didn't really have a single friend in the world.  
  
I was alone.  
  
  
  
  
**********************  
  
  
  
  
  
  
And that's the reason that I'm asking.  
That's the reason that I want to know.  
And that's the reason that I'm asking,  
and that's the reason that I'm...  
***********************  
  
  
  
  
I remeber her always being so business-like. Everything  
was offical,so things wouldn't get messy.  
  
Messy. Like my blood. My life. My future.  
  
It was straight to the point. This is what I had left behind, this is what I had to look forward to when I  
returned.This was my life.  
  
Mending the lives of others.  
  
Like she wanted to do with me. Careful cautious hands,never more than 2 feet apart. It's almost like she didn't want to look at me.  
  
Me.  
  
  
  
  
**********************  
  
  
  
  
  
How can you throw everything you live for?  
Well, it's the way we shake and sway.  
Oh, and it's the passion that you play.  
***********************  
  
  
  
  
  
"Mrs Johnson had this.."  
  
I nodded  
  
"You sent Mr.Ericson home with this.."  
  
I barely remebered my life before the knife. My life  
before the man jumped out of the shadows and took all my ignorance.My life before I felt my own blood, before I knew I was scarred.  
  
And she couldn't look at me.  
  
"Is this a bad time, John?"  
  
  
  
  
****************************  
  
Who did you love before?  
Who did they love before you?  
But it's the way you move your hands  
And it's the way you understand. 


	2. -Killer Inside-

-The Killer Inside-  
  
  
  
  
Well, she believes that I'd be better off without her.  
And she believes in me.  
  
Well, she believes that time can make things right.  
And I want to believe that there's been a change in me.  
*******************  
  
  
  
  
  
It was a new rule, she told herself. You don't answer the door, you don't fall asleep with the blinds open. You close your eyes only after there's a knife under your pillow.  
  
You let your guard down only when you know you'll be safe.   
  
When you know the ghosts aren't there, she told her mother.And that pleased her mother. It meant she was learning about herself...accepting her heritage.  
  
  
  
  
******************  
  
  
And I hope that she believes.  
Yes, I wonder if she sees the killer inside me.  
******************  
  
  
  
If she lies looking at the ceiling too long, she sees him. Sees his long arm reaching for her..cutting into her pale skin.  
  
And that's when she sits up, and tries to comfort herself.Tell herself it's all in her head,she doesn't really see his face contorted in pain, the knife stuck in his back, hiding so many other meanings.  
  
"I love you John.I just can't tell you"  
  
  
  
*********************  
The lights go down  
And the clouds are building outside.  
You close the door and turn the key,  
But there's no place to hide.  
**********************  
  
  
  
And she didn't tell him about the nightmares, even  
after he was walking down the halls where she had first laid eyes on him.  
  
She didn't tell him about seeing his face in her dreams, the hidden meanings behind everything she saw, everything she felt.  
  
Or how she slept with a knife under her pillow. 


	3. -Cry in the Sun-

-Cry in the Sun-  
  
  
  
  
  
  
You cleaned out your room and under your bed,   
lay a picture long forgotten.  
With a hand to your head,   
you sigh out loud as your memory rushes over and  
buries you.  
***********************  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"It was such a rush" he ran his fingers over her  
bare belly, chuckling."All of a sudden,everything that was the past came walking down the hall with all this.."  
  
"Spunk?"  
  
"Attitude" he looked up at her,smiling."All this real, pure attitude"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
********************  
  
  
  
  
  
A summer rain storm,  
but the shed was dry  
with a girl from Carolina.  
And you held her so tight,  
for the warmth that the rain denied,  
as the timer slowed to a flash.  
So alive, you listen to them when they say...  
**********************  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"I was surprise?"  
  
He nodded,wrapping his arms around her middle, letting his fingers crawl up her back, chuckling as she shivered."Complete.I mean, even when you showed up the first time"  
  
"I was so innocent"  
  
"You were so opposite me" he kissed the tip of her  
chin.  
  
"You hated me"  
  
"You hated me" he answered back."I should have felt it then"  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
*****************  
  
  
  
  
Cry in the sun.   
When the devil beats his wife.  
If you cry, cry, cry in the sun...  
Hope I never see the price of my freedom.  
*****************  
  
  
  
  
  
"You were in love after me?" she ran her  
fingers through his short black hair,"After  
I left"  
  
He nodded, pulling the sheet around his chest.  
"I thought I was.There was this continous hole I was  
always trying to fill."  
  
"And when I came back?"  
  
"You just confused me more"  
  
-------------------- 


	4. -This Time of Year-

-This Time of Year-  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
He didn't walk in the same entrance. There was a new shame.  
  
"I tried to help"  
  
"I know you did. It just wasn't enough"  
  
"Should I keep trying?"  
  
"I think it's time I just gave up"  
  
And she left. He looked around, watching everything go on in slow motion, just the way he felt. Everything was in slow motion..there was no speed, no light, no laughter.  
  
Everything he smiled about, was fake.  
***********************  
  
  
  
Well, there's a feeling in the air  
Just like a Friday afternoon.  
Yeah, you can go there if you want  
Though it fades too soon.  
  
  
  
************************  
"John?"  
  
A cold shiver raced down his spine, as he closed the locker shut.   
  
"John? Can you help me?"  
  
It had taken her so long to even admit that she needed help, his help to top everything off. She would look away, look at the floor, something behind him, and bit down on the side of her lip.  
  
"I can't figure it out"  
  
He liked being her hero.  
*************************  
  
  
  
So go on, let it be.  
If there's a feeling coming over me,  
Seems like it's always understood this time of year.  
  
  
  
*************************  
He needed to be someone's hero. If only their eyes weren't empty.  
  
And the day would go on. He looked at the clock every now and then, wondering what she was doing, who she was with...and let the thought pass.  
  
Because he couldn't dwell. There wasn't enough time.  
He wanted to be someone's hero.  
  
He needed to be needed. Only she didn't need him anymore.  
  
-------------------- 


	5. -Speeding up to Slow Down-

-Speeding Up to Slow Down-  
  
  
  
  
There was whispering wherever he went. No one would look him in the eye.  
  
"Is everything alright?" Deb tapped his shoulder.  
  
"I'm fine.What's wrong with everyone?" Carter hissed back, hand rubbing the small of his back."God.."  
  
She looked him over twice. Once, to see for visible pain, something she could say 'Look, I saw this,Let me help', twice, to make sure for her own piece of mind, that he was in one piece.  
  
But he wouldn't let her look where she wanted.  
  
She wanted to see if he was still entacted inside. If his heart was still in one piece .  
** * * * * * * * * * * * * *   
  
  
  
  
  
If they calm you down,  
Then excite them  
If they call you out,  
Then ignore them.  
  
You're speeding up  
You're speeding up  
To slow down  
  
  
  
  
****************************  
"I can't hide forever. They'll start to show" he muttered under his breath. Needle in vein, vein to blood, he felt his muscles go lax.  
  
It was almost over. The paranoia, the pain, the sharp feeling somewhere that something was wrong.  
  
Too many things wrong to care anymore.  
  
"They'll all see, and everything I've worked for is over" he muttered, pushing his hair back out of his eyes.  
  
Then the shadow that had watched ran away.  
**************************  
  
  
  
  
  
When they all believe  
You reject it.  
When they all are for,  
Be against it.  
  
You're speeding up  
You're speeding up  
To slow down  
  
  
  
  
  
****************************  
"John?"  
  
He wanted to run."I can face them.But you can't be there"  
  
"Then you know..?"  
  
Carter nodded,"I know she saw me Deb. I know she's trying to pin those missing drugs on me. ON ME!"  
  
She stepped back, biting her lip harder than he had ever seen. Fighting some sort of emotion back.  
  
"I wouldn't do this"  
  
Deb closed her eyes.  
  
"I wouldn't do this! You know me! Would I do this?"  
  
She finally opened her eyes, and never took them off him. 


	6. -Happy Ending-

-Happy Endings-  
  
  
  
  
  
She signed her name on the bottom of the page, and tied  
the final package with a ribbon.  
  
They wouldn't give it to him, but it made her feel at peace knowing she had sent something to him. She had put out the effort.  
  
She had given him up, but she hadn't forgotten.  
******************  
  
  
  
And though you will say I'm wrong.  
It's much easier with you along.  
Sundays were made for this.  
Seeing Bond give the villain a kiss ....  
  
  
  
******************  
You can't be alone at Christmas..  
  
She heard that so many times that when people went to  
open their mouths, they just moved..open air. Hot air, telling her how she should feel. What she should feel.  
  
She wanted to be alone.  
  
"It's not right" he grabbed her wrist,"Come on Deb"  
  
He meant well.  
*************************  
  
  
  
Holding your face in the glow  
Play on, play on  
Happy endings  
  
  
*************************  
The story she had chosen went like this. The princess  
was a new princess, had different beliefs than the king and queen. She had different dreams..different ideals.  
  
And she wanted to fall in love.  
  
But there was no prince strong enough to stand up to her. The one she wanted was too weak, but as time went on, he slowly gained more strength, and learned to   
look her in the eye.  
  
Deb could never bring herself to turn to the last page.  
  
The one that says they kissed, and lived Happily Ever After. 


	7. -Rewind-

-Rewind-  
  
  
Cut a tape of my favorite songs  
Said what I can't face to face  
I hoped that you would share all my thoughts   
We are young and unimpressed, with all you'd recognize.  
*******************  
  
  
  
That was the song he had heard on the way home the first time he had seen her.  
  
The words jumpled up at the end of the day, but he knew the words about as well as he knew his family's history.  
  
Blurry at some parts, but he knew the heart of the song.  
  
He knew the melody.  
  
  
  
************************  
So play it all over  
Turn it wide.  
Now there is nothing but a  
Mix tape left behind  
Now it won't rewind  
**************************  
  
  
  
That was the song the radio station played on his  
way home, from convincing her not to leave.  
  
His words did little good, because she left him .  
  
But the words of the song he almost tattooed on his  
body,"We've got to hold on, to what we got"  
  
If only the ink wasn't so permaente. 


	8. -Beautiful Mistake-

-Beautiful Mistake-  
  
  
  
  
  
It's been said how you see yourself through your parents eyes affects the kind of person you become.  
  
Affects the kind of man you become.  
  
It overwhelms everything you worked for, just when someone mentions your name, and you're thrown back into the hole you've spent so long trying to climb out of.  
  
You're back at square one, starting over.  
************************  
  
  
  
  
PHOTO STILLS  
IN YOUR WALLET WITH THE UNPAID BILLS  
AND YOU SHOW IT LIKE IT MEANS SOMETHING  
YOU COULD NEVER KNOW THE PAIN IT BRINGS  
  
  
**************************  
  
  
  
Her eyes can't tell. She doesn't know. Her father was gone, but in an entirely different way.  
  
When she looks at me, I look away.  
  
You can't tell someone who's grown accustomed to that loneliness, how you feel. You hold it in, and swear to god you're going to avoid the warm kind eyes that make you want to spill everything, like some sort of sick vomit.  
  
She makes you want to release everything.Because she knows.  
  
-------------------- 


End file.
